By Brian Babila
Limbe, Cameroon — Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. It is a contract of commitment with rules and regulations that represent the person’s culture. It is a communal relationship; it is a rite of passage which bonds two people and enshrines obligation and values. There is a common adage which says that ‘a man without a wife is like a vase without flowers.
Traditional Marriage is an important activity in the African custom wherein families of both parties come together to meet up with the laws and customs of the Bride’s family. In those days, parents of the bride will happily give off their daughters on no account talk less of demanding heavy sums of money in the name of bride price from the groom. Traditional Marriage nowadays in our communities has turn out to be a myth/ dilemma wherein most tribes have mystified it to the extent that most young men are scared to get married. They will rather prefer to remain single than to get stocked in a situation in which they’ll become a liability to the bride’s family. The factors below bring out some of the reasons for this trauma/dilemma in traditional marriages;
High demand for Bride Price:
Bride Price is the money demanded by the bride’s family from the groom. This money is mostly paid in cash and this is the area where most men and young boys who wish to get married are stocked. Bride price varies from one tradition to another. In most cases, the bride price is not less than 100,000 FRS. Some greedy families at times raise the bride price to 500,000frs or even 1,000,000frs (equivalent to buy a vast piece of land). At times people wonder if they are buying their spouses. This act is the order of the day in most traditions and there are always arguments here and there on what and how to pay. This is mere reason why after marriage celebrations, most couples are unable to meet up with their family needs (basic necessities).
There is also the factor of extravagancy in the demand for goods (consumer goods) which is also one of the criteria of traditional marriage. In most cases the family of the bride sends a list of items to be purchased by the groom a week or 2 before the D-day sets in. Some of the items here are bags of rice, salt, cow, pig, goat, and others. Nowadays, things have changed wherein most families demand items which worth more than the bride price. It should be understood that in the last 5 decades, traditional marriages were simple and less complicated for instance instead of 2 bags of rice, they will demand 10 measuring cups of rice, instead of 2 bags of salt, they will prefer 5 measuring cups of salt, instead of a cow or pig they’ll demand for some kilos of meat.
Mixed feeling is another important factor as regards traditional marriage. The parents of both families are always in the point of argument on what to agree upon only because of the exaggerated and unexplained list put before the groom and his family. At times when the argument gets to a certain point and there is no mutual understanding, the groom cancels the wedding till a further date thereafter leaving the whole thing into a sham. The environment where there was supposed to be jubilation, feasting and excitement will turn out to be a center of total warfare between families.
Conclusively, marriage is a union between the wife and the husband (bride and groom) and not between the Mother, Father, Aunt, Uncle or any other relative. The Bible says “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22) –King James Bible Version. It did not say he who finds a family and relatives. In a nutshell, marriage is the union between the groom and the bride before the family comes in. But in most cases, people put the Cart before the Horse instead of the other way round.
From my own point of view, ‘Traditional Marriage’ should help to intensify everlasting joy, happiness and bring togetherness between families. It should not be transformed to dilemma or better still a myth.
Brian Babila
